Veritaserum or Imperius
by Faithful Wheezy
Summary: The Death Eaters all gather in Voldemort's Lair to play truth or dare, Death Eater Style. It can actually get slightly disturbing. One shot.


Author's note: Please read with an immature mind.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling created them, I messed with them.

-x-

_Veritaserum or Imperius_

Veritaserum or Imperius is a game.

It is a highly _illegal_ game.

Veritaserum is toxic when used in large quantities, and the Imperius Curse is an Unforgivable.

The Death Eaters, however, don't care much for the law.

So, one rainy day at Voldemort's lair, Narcissa Malfoy became very bored. "Who wants to play Veritaserum or Imperius with me?" she yelled to nobody in particular.

All of a sudden, quite a few Death Eaters Apparated into the room. "Veritaserum or Imperius, you say, Cissy?" said a woman whose beauty seemed to have packed up and left a long time ago.

"You heard correctly, Bella. I'm just really bored, and you know the Dark Lord doesn't go out on rainy days."

"I heard he doesn't like rain because it makes him melt," Dolohov said.

Malfoy Senior looked from side to side and hissed, "Hush, you might insult him!"

"Well sor_ry_, I never said I believed it, I'm just saying that that's what I heard…"

"Are we playing Veritaserum or Imperius or not?" Narcissa asked impatiently.

Macnair laughed rather crudely, flexing a tattoo of a hippogriff (which held a scroll inscribed with the words "I love Mum" in its left talon) on his right bicep. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Cissy."

"Oh, quit showing off, Macnair," Narcissa said, turning up a disdainful nose as she checked him out with what she thought was a smooth toss of the head. "Well, who wants to go first?"

"I will," came the silky voice of Severus Snape.

Severus Snape didn't like to play very much, but Veritaserum or Imperius was an exception.

"All right Sev," Cissy said, wickedness forming on her delicate features, "Veritaserum or Imperius?"

Snape, thinking that since he was an ex-Potions Master, thought he could fight the effects of Veritaserum, and said, "Veritaserum."

Shocking, huh?

Narcissa took out a bottle of clear truth potion and poured a small drop into his mouth.

Contemplating her question, she rubbed her chin and thought of their old days at Hogwarts. "Ask him about the Mudblood, Cissy, go on!" she heard Rookwood say.

"Now that's an idea," she mused. "Severus, have you ever fancied Evans, the Mudblood from school?"

Snape seemed to have an internal conflict with himself and muttered, "I did, a lot. Especially in fifth year," and snarled at the whole Death Eater element present, who were all presently about to pass out from laughing.

"Pity the Dark Lord killed her, eh Sev?" Rabastan Lestrange roared out.

"Shut up!" Snape shouted. "_Cru_—"

"What's this?" an evil, reedy voice said suddenly. "One of my loyal Death Eaters pining after dirt-veined Muggles?"

All of the Death Eaters promptly squashed their noses to the floor. "Good afternoon, milord," they all chanted.

"Erm, yes, good afternoon," Lord Voldemort said distractedly. "But what is this, I hear, Snape, about you loving the famed Potter's mother?"

"We're playing Veritaserum or Imperius, and for the record, that was back in the fifth year, milord," said Snape, his voice muffled, as his face was still pressed against the floor. "I can assure you that I have no feelings for her now—"

"That's not so hard, seeing as she's dead!" Augustus Rookwood yelled out raucously.

Voldemort's face had since lost its unforgiving scowl and brightened. "I lost you at Veritaserum or Imperius, my minion," he said delightedly, "may I play?"

Keen to enter the conversation as it became plain that Voldemort wasn't going to Avada Kedavra them back into the Merlin Dynasty, Narcissa said breathlessly, "It was all my idea, milord, and of course you may, please, join us, join us…"

And soon enough, Voldemort and the Death Eaters sad cross-legged, forming a circle.

It was a day of idiocy and amusement—the game had ranged from Crabbe admitting that one of his prime ambitions were to be a pop singer and plant hydrangeas, to Voldemort confessing that he was a Half-blood with a desire for Celestina Warbuck to autograph his groin; to Bellatrix admitting the heart-stopping crush she had on Snape for her whole Hogwarts experience (Voldemort had to order Rabastan not to kill Snape, whose mouth had puckered as though he had swallowed a lemon whole), to Wormtail giving a rather disturbing pole dance round one of the stone pillars ("I'm never going to look at that pillar the same way again!" Barty Crouch Jr. declared, glassy-eyed).

The real chaos ensued when Lucius Imperiused Goyle to cast an Insanity Hex on himself.

"_Insolitus Demens!_" Goyle intoned, pointing his wand at his own head.

All was quiet for five seconds.

That was when Goyle received the bright idea to cast a combination of Insanity Hexes and Cheering Charms into the crowd.

"_Laetifico Letifico!_"

Macnair began skipping merrily about the dungeon, throwing pink and red confetti willy-nilly.

"_Insolitus Demens!_"

"AAARGH—! Hee hee hee, why Sevvie, don't you look maddeningly greasy today, you're driving me crazy!"

"_Laetifico Letifico!_"

"Ew, Wormtail, don't hug me."

"I'm sorry, milord, but you look so cuddly and sad! I just wanted to cheer you up!"

"_Avada Keda_—"

"_INSOLITUS DEMENS!_" roared Goyle.

"Whose bright idea was it to Imperius Goyle to do this?" Lucius demanded, swinging his pimp cane.

"GOYLE, SHUT—UP—!" screamed Voldemort.

Unfortunately, he stepped into the path of Macnair, and tripped, and was showered with half a bouquet of peonies.

_Then_, he was hit with an Insanity Hex and Cheering Charm at once.

Time seemed to freeze. Then—

"WHO WANTS TO PAINT THEIR TOENAILS?"

"Can I have black? Can I have black, milord?"

Voldemort stared at Wormtail.

Wormtail stared at Voldemort.

"No."

**_finite_**


End file.
